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Topics in this digest: Vayishlach
5764
Can a skeptic be a good Jew? Or do you have to have a
clear and strong faith and knowledge of God to be a good Jew?
Our great rabbi Maimonides, Rambam, thought a catechism, a
set of things that you must believe in, was a good idea—that’s why he
wrote his 13 articles of faith. But this week’s Torah portion gives
us a different message. This week’s parsha tells us that it’s OK to
struggle with God. In my own spiritual journey I have found it very
comforting to know that it’s OK not to have all the answers, that it’s OK
not to be certain—that it’s OK to question everything about God, even His
very existence. There is much that we can learn about our own
struggles with God from this week’s story of Jacob’s struggles with God.
In this week’s parsha we read:
“And Jacob
was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the break of
dawn. When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he
wrenched Jacob’s hip at its socket, so that the socket of his hip was
strained as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for
dawn is breaking.” But he answered, “I will not let you go, unless
you bless me.” Said the other, “What is your name?” He
replied, “Jacob.” Said he, “Your name shall no longer be Jacob,
but Israel, for you have striven with God and have prevailed.”
Jacob asked, “Pray tell me your name.” But he said “You must not
ask my name!” And he took leave of him there.”
“And Jacob was left alone.” We can belong to a
community, we can find other spiritual seekers to study with, to pray
with, to meditate with, but ultimately we confront our questions about
God, our anxieties about God, alone. Each of us has a unique
relationship with God.
“And a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn.”
Here it says that Jacob struggled with a man—yet later on it says that
Jacob struggled with God. The tradition says that the man Jacob
wrestled with was an angel—a messenger or representative of God. The
kabbahlists tell us that angels function as bridges between people and
God, and between the physical world we inhabit, the world of asiyah, and
the next world closer to God, the world yetzirah, the world of formation,
which is primarily an emotional world. An angel represents a
particular shade of feeling or emotion. From this we see that our
struggles with God are not strictly intellectual—they move into the realm
of feeling. So what “angel,” what feeling, was it that Jacob was
wrestling with in the night? Probably the same angels we wrestle
with—doubt, fear, anxiety, anger. In our struggles with God there
are no questions we can’t ask and feelings we might not find. Does
God exist? Does God care? What are we to God? Why does
God let such terrible things happen in the world? Those kind of
questions can bring up all sorts of “angels,” each one to be struggled
with in turn. Rashi says the word: va ye avek 'wrestled' --
emphasizes the nuances of twining, knotting round one another, being tied
together, embracing and struggling with each other. A passionate
experience involve the close confrontation of the whole body. Jacob
wrestled with him until the break of dawn—our struggles with God OFTEN
happen at night—not necessarily a physical night, but it can be a
metaphorical night, a time of darkness, a time of difficulty, a time when
we might feel that God has abandoned us, if God was ever with us.
“When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he
wrenched Jacob’s hip at its socket, so that the socket of his hip was
strained as he wrestled with him.” Sometimes we don’t know when to
back off—we keep pushing at our doubts and our fears and we can be injured
in that process. Sometimes it might be wiser to be a little more
accepting!
“Then he said, ‘Let me go, for dawn is breaking.’” We
often do let go when dawn breaks—when things are going well, people are
less likely to be on a spiritual search. I don’t think it’s so much
God asking to be let go, as us giving it up in favor of other things.
“But he answered, ’I will not let you go, unless you bless
me.’” What is it that we look for out of our struggles with God? We
are looking for blessing in our lives. That blessing can take many
forms. Of course we would like material blessing, but in our
spiritual search, we would be quite happy with spiritual blessing, with
faith, with contentment, with a feeling of a good relationship with our
Creator.
“Said the other, ‘What is your name?’ He replied,
‘Jacob.’” The angel—God—asks “Who are you?” What is your
name—what do you call yourself? How do you see yourself? Part
of the spiritual journey is introspection—understanding ourselves.
And how does Jacob see himself—still as Yakov, the hanger on, the
deceiver.
“Said he, ’Your name shall no longer be Yakov, but Yisrael,
for you have striven with God and men and have prevailed.’” Jacob’s
encounter with God leaves him changed. The name Yisrael is usually
translated as one who struggles with God, which is what we learn from the
context. However, there are other things that Yisrael could mean—it
could also mean “minister of God,” which would imply one who serves God.
The ‘sin’ of Yisrael looks exactly like a ‘shin’ in the Torah which has no
dots—if spelled with a shin, the word could mean “straight with God,” or
“he will sing to God.” In any event, Jacob is transformed by his
encounter with God. Which is what we hope for from our encounter,
our struggles, with God and religion—that we come out of it a better
person than we were before!
“Jacob asked, ‘Pray tell me your name.’” We want to
know God as intimately as we know another person. We want to
understand God—we want to be able to label God, to feel like we know what
God is all about.
“But he said ‘You must not ask my name!’” Ultimately,
though, we cannot know God the same way we know a person. As the
kabbahlists tell us, God’s ultimate reality is infinity, and beyond our
grasp. We are finite beings—we have a “name,” we have an identity.
Our essence can be fathomed—but God’s cannot.
“And he took leave of him there.” Our pursuit of God,
our struggling with God, goes in fits and starts. It’s not equally
intense all the time. There are times when we take a break from the
struggle, and settle into a comfortable complacency in our relationship
with God—until the next time something comes along to disturb our
equilibrium.
So if you struggle with God—if you have doubts about God,
or if you can’t understand how God could allow certain things to
happen—take comfort that you are being authentically “Yisrael,” a
God-wrestler. As Elie Wiesel said, “The Jew may love God, or he may
fight with God, but he cannot ignore God.”
Shabbat Shalom
It is a great mitzvah to serve God with
great joy, always...R. Nachman of Breslov
Rabbi Barry Leff
Beth Tikvah Congregation
9711 Geal Road
Richmond, BC V7E 1R4
phone: (604) 271-6262
fax: (604) 271-6270
web: www.btikvah.ca
email: rebbarry@yeladim.org
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