And Joseph was not able to bear it any longer. He called out to all those
standing around, “everyone get out!” And no one was with him when Joseph
revealed himself to his brothers. …Genesis 45:1
In the telling of our story, it has been a long time since Joseph’s
brothers first came to Egypt seeking food. Joseph did not reveal himself
to his brothers the first time they came to Egypt looking for food. In
fact, he held one of the brothers, Shimon, as a hostage until the rest of
them came back with Benjamin. Dad, Jacob, wouldn’t let them go back with
Benjamin until they used up all the supplies again and were getting
hungry. When they showed up on Joseph’s doorstep, again, Joseph did not
reveal himself, instead he loads his brothers up with food,
surreptitiously gives them their money back, and plants a goblet on
Benjamin. He tells the brothers they can go on their way, but Benjamin
will stay behind.
At the start of this week’s parsha, Vayigash, Yehudah makes an incredibly
impassioned speech pleading for Benjamin, and offering to stay in Egypt as
a slave in Benjamin’s place. Right after Judah’s speech, Joseph is
overcome with passion. The Torah tells us:
And Joseph was not able to bear it any longer. He called out to all those
standing around, “everyone get out!” And no one was with him when Joseph
revealed himself to his brothers. …Genesis 45:1
What happened? Why was it that Joseph could bear it—not revealing himself
to his brothers—until now, but now, all of a sudden, he can’t bear it
anymore? Is it simply because Judah gave a great speech? Or is there
something else going on?
To understand the answer, we need to understand why Joseph treated his
brothers the way he did.
What was the point of making them bring Benjamin to Egypt?
Why did he frame Benjamin for a crime he didn’t commit?
Was he messing with them, trying to get revenge? Was he playing with
them?
In last week’s parsha, Miketz, we read: “And they said, Your servants are
twelve brothers, the sons of one man in the land of Canaan; and, behold,
the youngest is this day with our father, and one is not. And Joseph said
to them, That is what I spoke to you, saying, You are spies;”
Rashi says the plain meaning is “that is what I spoke to you” is referring
to Benjamin, the one who is with their father…Joseph is saying “why did
you
leave him behind?—it must be because you are spies and didn’t need him
along.” But there is a midrash which says the brothers came to Egypt to
redeem Joseph from slavery, and in the discussion, Joseph is referring to
himself, and the conversation continued: “and if you found the one who is
not, and you had money, would you redeem him from slavery?” The brothers
answered, “yes.” “And if they said to you, they won’t return him for any
amount of money, what would you do?” They responded “kill or be killed.”
Based on this midrash, Joseph’s purpose in asking the question was to see
if his brothers regretted their actions. Did they feel bad about how
badly they treated him? The answer clearly is yes, they regretted their
actions so much they were ready to kill or be killed over it.
If that’s the case, why didn’t Joseph reveal himself right then and there,
when it was obvious, according to the midrash, that his brothers DID
regret
their actions?
It’s because Joseph wanted more than to see whether his brothers regretted
their actions. He wanted to see whether they had truly done teshuva, had
repented.
Rambam tells us that teshuva is a 3-step process. The first step is to
regret one’s actions. The second step is to confess your sins out loud,
and the third step is kind of a test: given the same exact situation, the
person does not repeat the sin. For example, if someone sinned by having
relations with someone he wasn’t supposed to, the test is if given the
same circumstances—the desire is still there, the opportunity is still
there, the energy is still there—the person refrains from sinning again,
because of the teshuva. It doesn’t count if you refrain from sinning
simply because you’re too old and tired to sin again!
So to test whether his brothers had truly repented, Joseph needed to set
up the same situation—what they did to him—to see if they had truly
repented. The brothers sold him because they were jealous of him. Joseph
was given special treatment, Jacob gave him the famous “many colored
coat.”
So to replicate the situation, Joseph gave the youngest brother, Benjamin,
special treatment. He gave him more clothes and money than the other
brothers received; he wanted to see if the brothers would get jealous
again, and abandon Benjamin as a way of expressing their jealousy. When
Judah gave his impassioned speech, offering to stay as a slave himself in
the place of Benjamin, it is clear that they did teshuva g’mura, a
complete repentance.
Why does the Torah say Joseph couldn’t bear it any longer, right at that
moment? Repentance heals distance in a relationship. When we wrong
someone—do a sin—it creates distance in the relationship. We heal things,
we get closer together again, when we do teshuva. Teshuva means
repentance, but it also means “return,” we return things to how they were.
Since he no longer felt the emotional distance from his brothers, knowing
they had repented, he couldn’t bear to be apart from them anymore: he
needed to reveal himself and be reconciliated.
The verse continues and says Joseph told everyone to get out, to leave him
alone with his brothers. Why? Rashi says it’s because Joseph would have
been embarrassed if the Egyptians found out his brothers had sold him into
slavery.
Another possibility is simply that this was going to be an incredibly
intimate moment—and therefore not a time to have strangers milling around.
Intimacy—physical or emotional—calls for privacy.
We could also read this one verse as teaching two important principles in
getting closer to God.
1) Do teshuva to reduce the distance caused by sin. Just as teshuva can
reduce the distance between two people, it can reduce the emotional and
spiritual distance between a person and God.
2) The verse says that Joseph told “kol ish,” every person, to get out.
In our relationship with God, we also need to get “kol ish,” every “ish,”
every person, out of the way—especially the “ish” of your own ego. As R.
Nachman says, pride causes the exile of the Shechinah, the Divine
presence. In the Talmud (Sotah) it says that the Holy One, Blessed be
He, and the haughty cannot live together in the world—the Talmud tells us
to read the verse from Psalms which says “The haughty of eye and the
arrogant heart – him I cannot abide” as reading “WITH him” I cannot abide.
And it’s true…if your heart and soul are full of yourself, you have no
room for God—or anyone else!