PREVIEW
books: Adult
Children of Divorce
Children
and Divorce Divorce
and Remarriage in the Bible
And Remarries Another
Mark 10: 1-16. AND HE left there and went to the region of
Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again; and again, as
his custom was, he taught them. 2. And Pharisees came up, and, in order to test
him, asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his
wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to
write a certificate of divorce, and to put her away.” But Yahshua said to them, “For your hardness of heart he wrote you this
commandment. But from the beginning of
creation, ‘Yahweh made them male and female.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to
his wife and the two shall become one flesh.’
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore Yahweh has joined together, let not man put
asunder.” And in the house the
disciples asked him again about this matter. And he said to them, “Whoever divorces
his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces
her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
And they were bringing children to him, that he might touch them; and
the disciples rebuked them. But when
Yahshua saw it, he was indignant, and said to them, “Let
the children come to me, do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of
Yahweh. Truly, I say to you, whoever
does not receive the kingdom of Yahweh like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed
them, laying his hands upon them.
Canada’s First
Same-Sex Divorce: TORONTO, July 22, 2004 (AP) A lesbian couple is seeking what is
believed to be Canada’s first same-sex divorce in Ontario Superior Court. The women, identified according to their
lawyers’ initials as M.M., a 41-year-old born in Toronto, and J.H., a
61-year-old born in Ottawa, were married on June 18, 2003, one week after the
Ontario Court of Appeal legalized same-sex marriage in the province. The couple separated five days after the
wedding, ending an almost 10-year relationship, J.H.’s lawyer Julie Hannaford
said.
The ruling Liberal government has vowed to legalize same-sex marriage
across the country although polls have shown about half of Canadians are
against the move. The federal
Divorce Act hasn’t been amended to apply to same-sex couples.
M.M. and her lawyer are asking the court to grant the divorce and
declare the Divorce Act’s definition of spouse unconstitutional. The
divorce law defines a spouse as “a man or woman who are married to each
other.” The government says it wants to
go further and strike down the entire definition of spouse in the act. M.M. said the couple have no possibility of
reconciliation. They signed a separation agreement on April 30. Grounds for
divorce in Canada are separation, adultery and cruelty.
An Ancient
Divorce Brings Vehement Action Against believers: Justin, a teacher in Rome, wrote a letter to
Emperor Antonius Pius (around 155)
protesting the persecution of believers.
He relates a recent case in Rome in which a married couple who had lived
a debauched lifestyle had been converted to the faith through the ministry of
Ptolemy, a teacher of righteousness, and they ceased their immoralities. However, after the husband’s trip to
Alexandria, the wife found out that he was back at it, and sued for divorce on
the grounds of adultery. (This was
permitted under Roman law.)
They went before the judge, Urbicus, and the believer teacher Ptolemy
accompanied the woman to court, where she pleaded her case and was granted a
delay. This angered the husband so that
he accused both his wife and Ptolemy of being believers. Urbicus, the judge, asked Ptolemy one
question. “Are you a believer?” Ptolemy confessed that he was, and Urbicus
immediately sentenced him to death.
At this folly, a man named Lucias, who happened to be in court, stood up
and challenged the judge. “Ptolemy
isn’t a thief or a murderer! Why would
you sentence him to death?” The judge
wasn’t pleased with the outburst. “You
also seem to be a believer,” said Urbicus to Lucias, and Lucias confessed that
he was. At this, Urbicus immediately
condemned Lucias and another man in the courtroom to death for being
believers. So in his decision
regarding this divorce, the meandering husband was freed while three men and a
woman went straight from the courtroom to the chopping block.
Justin, the one who tells the story, points out that the charge of being
a believer can be used to do away with any enemy in a courtroom such as that
of Urbicus. He writes, “I, too, expect
to be plotted against and crucified,” – maybe, he adds, by a rival. Indeed, a decade later, Justin was accused of
being a believer by his rival Crescens, and the judge condemned Justin and all
the students of his school to death.
Since Justin wasn’t a Roman citizen, he didn’t get the chopping block,
but the crucifixion stake. Today he’s
known as Justin Martyr. (This
story is recorded in Pagels' classic,
The Gnostic Gospels,
pp. 94-96.)
A
Major Problem in Today’s Society
Our Good News about divorce
(Mark 10:1-12) doesn’t seem to be so good within the
society we currently subsist.
Consider: We gather as the
household of Yahweh, the Creator of the universe. Through baptism we belong to his worldwide community of
faith. Each time we gather, we may
recommit our lives to the Peaceful Kingdom, even while the world around us
rages in division. But in this peace,
we have to deal with a divisive word. Divorce
was as controversial in religious circles then as now. Some preachers put the Savior to the test by
asking him what he thinks about it.
Yahshua’s word on divorce always provokes
a response. Some get mad or
embarrassed. Others wish the preacher
would swing his words like a club. The
family’s spinning out of control, they claim, and preachers should use “the
word” to beat us back to the Victorian era.
World Communion Sunday is the first
Sunday in October. It’s meant to be the
greatest day of the year for believer unity.
We are one in the sacrament.
Once the lectionary appointed Mark 10 to be preached on WCS. One minister bawled, “Everybody in my
congregation’s been divorced. How can I
bring them to the Communion table with such a divisive invitation?” Another minister, a divorced woman, avoided
the issue altogether by ignoring the first ten verses and moving on to the
blessing of little children.
So I may have a problem today. I don’t especially like this passage. But I won’t back down from it. There’s always a way for folks to hear
something edifying in Yahshua’s teaching, even when it’s about divorce. How can I edify today?
The Pharisees Are
Divided on Divorce
¿I wonder, would it help if we understand
Yahshua’ words to be a “controversy narrative”?
(That’s what they call it in Bible School.) Yahshua’s being tested by friends and enemies on a controversial
subject. His back’s to the wall
before the multitudes; all are listening.
First, some holy Pharisees bait him: “Tell us how you read: Is it legal for a man to divorce his
wife? Yes or no?” They want a
straight answer – no shilly-shallying, dilly-dallying or jibber-jabbering.
(Optional: The Pharisees themselves are divided on this
issue. The liberal school of Rabbi
Hillel taught that there were some very good reasons for divorce such as immorality. The fundamentalist school of Rabbi Shammai
taught that all divorce was prohibited.
Funny, but when Yahshua was with Shammai’s crowd, his answer was always
according to Hillel. But when he was
with Hillel’s crowd, his answer was according to Shammai. (See Matthew 5:32b – for Shammai’s
crowd.) So the Pharisees have two ways
to catch Yahshua.)
If the Pharisees can
just pin him down, they can criticize whatever answer he gives. But, as usual, Yahshua answers a question with
a question. “What did Moses say?”
He answers with a question because those who want to judge must be
prepared to be judged. Those
who beat someone with a club must be prepared to be clubbed. Now, does this help us to understand? Maybe, maybe not.
“I Divorce You” Three
Times
A man wrote in to Pat Robertson for
advice on The 700 Club, July 28, 2004.
He said he and his wife had been strong believers, but he found some
other woman “more appealing.” He
thought the attraction came from G-d and he divorced his wife and married the
“more appealing” woman. Needless to
say, soon after his new marriage, his ex-wife became surprisingly “appealing”
once again.
“Pat, shouldn’t I go back to my first
wife now, since we’re believers?”
Pat Robertson was probably right when he
said, “Yes, if she’ll have you.” But I
would say that if the first wife is willing to take him back then she
probably deserves a gregarious fellow like him – or she’s trapped.
Yahshua’s responding to the casual
attitude some men hold on the subject of fidelity – faithfulness. As in many “religious” nations today, the
husband had all the power then. If
a wife burned the butter beans or didn’t have enough kids, or if the husband
just got tired of her – he could turn his back to her and say three
times, “I divorce you” – then fill out a writ.
No legal fees, court costs or child support. That was it. The he was free to find a more appealing
wife. By law, his ex-wife’s
only recourse was to return to her father’s house in shame. Yahshua’s approach to divorce puts teeth
into the marriage covenant to help protect women in days eons before women’s
lib.
But neither divorce law loopholes nor
women’s rights were the main issue for him.
Look. Yahshua pointed to the
creation. A man and a woman were originally
formed to be partners in servanthood – that’s what “one flesh” means. It’s not a three-legged race, but a partnership. Then together, believers are to be joint
heirs in the glorification of the future.
Yahshua’s saying, They’re two but also one. “So you husbands, you’d better take your
promises very seriously; or else!” Does
this help you? Maybe, maybe not.
Equal Rights Amendment
It also should be noted, as Gordon J.
Wenham writes, that Yahshua’s pronouncement is a “revolutionary statement that
puts wives on an equal basis within marriage”
(“Divorce,” The Oxford Companion to the Bible: New York,
Oxford University Press, 1993, p. 170). When Yahshua takes his disciples aside to
explain, he instructs them, “Whoever divorces his
wife and marries another commits adultery against her,” he affirms
that wives are equal to husbands and deserve the same legal rights. The punishment for adultery was death for
all parties. Then Yahshua adds, “Whoever divorces her husband and marries another commits
adultery against him.” How
shocking a statement for women in ancient Jewish society! Women had no rights. They
couldn’t bring any divorce proceedings.
They could be stoned for even bringing it up, no matter how hard they
had it at home.
But Yahshua’s New Covenant is for A New
Day, spoken within a context in which women are considered full and equal
partners in Yahweh’s household. Not
this only, but that women always had equal rights in the Kingdom, and
Yahshua descended through perils to proclaim this to an anthropocentric (a man-centered)
society. Is this helpful? Maybe, maybe not.
Mixed Messages
Try this.
I receive a magazine, The Sabbath Sentinel. This quarter’s topic is marriage. Each article views divorce from a different
perspective, ranging from fairly liberal to one article in which the author has
to misquote the Scripture to prove that divorced and remarried people are
headed straight for you-know-where.
Did you know that the Bible as a whole
doesn’t prohibit all divorce, even for believers? This may come as a surprise.
But, like my magazine, the Bible speaks with several voices depending on
the circumstances. Again, Yahshua
refers us to creation. The story tells
us we were made one for another. But it
also recalls just about every possible disaster that can rip apart our
relationships. {Read about poverty,
rape, incest, conquest, deception, seduction, immorality, violence, abuse– and
all before finishing Genesis.}
In one place, Yahweh tells Malachi “I hate divorce,” equating it with violence
(Malachi 2:16).
Today we know that divorce is very often the fruit of violence –
and that violence also keeps marrieds, who should be separated, together out of
fear. We learn that divorce also
breeds violence, hatred and deranged acts.
Yet in another place, Yahweh allows divorce
as a husband’s prerogative
(Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Of course, Yahweh expects the man who
dares divorce to be keeping the whole law first. Else his declaration is sin in Yahweh’s eyes. One who exemplifies seeking a justified
divorce is Joseph, the husband of Mary, a keeper of the law, a “just man,” who
“was minded to put his wife away privily”
(Matthew 1:19).
You might also remember that when the
Israelites returned from captivity, Ezra the high priest demanded that all
Levites who’d married foreign women “Get rid of them”
(Ezra 10:10-11).
These wives brought in foreign gods and customs. Ezra’s task was to reinstate true
worship. These wives had to go and they
all did
(Ezra
10:2, see also 3 Esdras in the LXX).
Yahshua gives his word on the matter,
“Whatever Yahweh has brought together, let no one separate.” That causes anyone with a sanctified mind to
wonder if Yahweh brought most couples together in the first place. I imagine most marriages came by more
primitive urges than prayer, fasting and seeking. Maybe one marriage in a million is born in the kneeling
position.
In another place, Yahshua gives an
exception to “no divorce.” Webster’s
Bible gives a good translation of this passage:
(Matthew
5:32) But I say to you, whoever shall put away his
wife, saving for lewdness, causeth her to commit adultery.
In this case, the word
translated “lewdness” is porneia
(porneiaV), from which we get the word pornography. Porneia refers to any kind of immorality. If a member of a married couple is immoral,
including violent, perverted or abusing, there’re logical and biblical grounds
to part company. Better to live as a
divorcée than die as a abused spouse.
Amen?
Finally, the Bible writer Paul, a single
man, observes the married and gives a surprising amount of advice from the
sidelines, including these words:
“If you’re unequally yoked in
regards to spiritual matters, keep the marriage together for the sake of the children;
but if it doesn’t work, then divorce is one choice among a lot of difficult
choices” (Cf. 1 Corinthians 7:12-15, Carter).
William Carter really
puts a new twist on that translation that’s worth hearing again.
Hardness of Heart
The Bible addresses many situations in
which some important aspect of creation is ripped apart. The question is: Does Yahweh want everybody
married? No! Some people are better off single, no matter what fond feelings
or sensual visions they might have
(1 Corinthians 7:8-9); no matter what society or mother
think about it. Singleness is a gift. No one needs marriage to be a bride to
Yahshua, man or woman. He gathers his
body first to the baptismal font and then to the table of grace – but not to
the canopy of marriage.
Again.
What does Yahweh want for us?
The fundamental thing he wants is for people to live in peace as
a community of faith. The
words of Yahshua in Mark 10 point us beneath rusty interpretations. He wants us to see others as partners,
not strangers, and to live as companions, not competitors: be we
married, single or somewhat in between.
Yahshua is doing far more than just disrupting divorce court. He’s
attacking a devilish trait that destroys community peace. He calls it “hardness of heart,” a
condition that draws all manner of uncleanness. Compassion is frozen.
Care collapses. Charity (agape)
turns to stone. Carnality and
perversity flood in when the heart is hard.
No “Pairs and Spares”
This “hardness of heart” makes some feel
unwelcome and others unwelcoming. One
church started a fellowship group by announcing it in the bulletin as “Pairs
and Spares.” The pastor, a single man,
called the founders of the group together.
“For God’s sake,” he spat, “what makes you think a single person would
want to be called a ‘spare’?” Such
is a product of hard heartedness. The
cure for hard heartedness is surgery.
The surgery is called Circumcision.
Deuteronomy 10:16,18. Circumcise the skin of your heart, and be no
more stiff-necked. He executes judgment
for the fatherless and widow, and loves the stranger. Therefore love the stranger: for you were strangers.
True believers welcome all people of
good intention, whether married, single, divorced, separated, confused,
eunuched, neutered or somewhere in between, without preference or prejudice,
considering them special emissaries of Heaven. That also goes for the home.
Hospitality is a fundamental virtue.
The congregation and believer home calls on all people of
good intention, “Ye are welcome here just as ye
are. Be ye washed in the blood of the
Lamb of Elohim.”
Let’s admit our hardness of heart – we
can easily make those who are different, divorced or ‘not from around here,’
feel excluded from the promises of Yahweh. I don’t think anyone marries to divorce, do you? Every couple intends “to have and to hold,
from this day forward” to some degree. That’s
the promise. In most cases of divorce
this promise isn’t taken seriously. Yet
sometimes the promise can simply no longer be kept. Need I give examples? Of course not! Read the Bible. There are
a hundred valid reasons. Relationships
break down. People break down. People are broken down and ripped apart.
When breakdowns occur, the congregation
should offer softhearted hospitality to all people of good intention. Unfortunately, the congregation and pastor
are often the last to know. Why do you
suppose this is?
Invalid! Invalid!
Back to our subject – divorce -- well, it’s
not quite as bad we’re told. Divorce
statistics are myths, including the one about nearly fifty percent of marriages
ending in divorce. This hoax began when
somebody, probably a preacher, noticed the number of divorces was half the
number of weddings for that particular year.
From this, he concluded and publicized that 50% of all marriages
crumble. The ratio and the rational
behind it are both illogical. Consider
the context – do the math – be practical – any divorced person will tell you
that there’re a lot more people married than single. That’s one reason so many singles feel so alone, and there’s been
such a proliferation of singles groups and expensive dating services. They are alone.
Myths help demonstrate how difficult
marriage is in these days. Our
society’s demands on money and time undermine our ability or desire to know one
another deeply and intimately. Our
culture worships self-fulfillment over patience, mercy and steadfast love. It’s nearly impossible to honor long-term
commitment when popular books and religious groups push instant
gratification and worthless self-help programs. It’s not easy to be a “you-first” person in
a “me-first” society. It was far less
difficult in Yahshua’s time than now.
A Duping and A
Puzzling Twist
For just these past few years the judicial
system has of its own accord further cheapened the Creation with legalizing
illegitimate marriages in most of Europe, Canada and many of our states. Although “marriages” and “civil unions” between
“same-gendered people” may be legal, remember, such can never be recognized in
the Assembly of True Worshipers or the Kingdom of Yahweh, no matter how many
apostate bishops try to make them so.
The “Federal
Marriage Amendment“
(H. J. Res 56), a hasty
pseudo-attempt to stop illegitimate marriages lost out in the Senate along
partisan lines. The purpose of the FMA
is to
define marriage as the union between a man and a
woman only. I’m convinced it was put
forward at this time as a political ploy by a Republican Senate. It didn’t have a chance to pass; however, it
did serve a political purpose: it put certain politicians on the “for FMA”
roster in an election
year. I’m ashamed of this political
duping of the American public.
Finally, in an ironic twist, one
same-gendered couple was “married” under the Canadian law a few weeks ago – two
ladies. Now they’ve declared irreconcilable
differences and want a divorce. The
problem is, there’s no stipulation for “same-gender divorces.” These couples are married for good at
this point. This conundrum makes for
great humor in light of Mark 10:12!
If a woman shall put away her
husband, she committeth adultery.
The only puzzling
twist left for the Heavenly Judge to decide is who’s the husband and who’s
the wife.
Community of One
No matter what we think, we must remember
that though we’re living in this insane culture, we’re also outsiders –
aliens from space – in the world, but not of it. This world provides us no permanent dwelling. We’re not to be entangled in it. Creation is cracked and groaning, and modern
civilization is going the way of the Roman Empire. But Yahweh wants us to live in peace with one another. Therefore we’re called to support and
strengthen the married and the single however we can, for marriage is the
smallest form of community and the single person is the smallest
component of marriage. We can’t
expect peace in our peculiar little world unless we claim peace in our
households, in our families, in our churches, in our own stony hearts.
Before turning to thee,
I’ll begin with me –
A house of one in communion with three.
Stand Up and Share!
Working for peace and true inclusively in
an exclusive environment will require us to stand up against some prevailing
notions which we now know are just plain false.
Charity exposes all the flaws
Of culture’s perverse practices and laws.
Surg’ry, not of brain, but of the heart,
Gives Charity a sure and blessed start.
Wendell Berry is a Kentucky farmer and
writer who published an article for Harper’s Magazine. It explained why he isn’t getting a
computer. He wrote: (1) He already has
a good typewriter. (2) His wife Tanya
helps him with proofreading. Berry
expected negative responses because our culture worships technology. And all the responses were negative
– but not about his typewriter, but his wife.
For instance:
“How dare you think of your wife that
way!
It’s positively Neanderthal.
She’s an individual, separate and distinct,
with her own life to live.
You’re a jerk.”
Berry was puzzled about the sin of sharing
daily tasks with his spouse. He
observed that many marrieds live like singles – leading separate lives –
cut off from one another. They are
legally married, but they divide things as if they weren’t. He went on to note,
There
are still married couples who understand themselves as belonging to
their marriage, to each other and to their children. What they have, they have in common; and so, to them, helping
each other doesn’t seem to damage their ability to compete. To them, “mine” is not so powerful or
necessary a pronoun as “ours.”
(“Feminism, the
Body, and the Machine,” What Are People For? San Francisco: North Point Press, 1990, pp. 180-1.)
“Ours.”
That’s a four-letter word that’s as good as any to ponder as we gather
at the Master’s Table. No matter how
alienated we feel elsewhere, remember: Yahshua welcomes every person at his
place. This place is ours because
it was first his. His Kingdom is
ours only because he bought us out of slavery to hard-heartedness because we’re
on his charity roster. In fact now,
regardless of how broken or alone or ostracized or depressed or abused or
DIVORCED we are, Yahshua’ body and blood are the medications that cure us by his
mercy, love and healing. We gather by
a grace that covers us all. And
when we leave, we’re to extend the same hospitality, the same soft heartedness,
the same inclusively that Yahshua extended to us – to all people, as they
are, wherever they come from.
Elohim bless you. Amein. 073004
Top of
the Document